T H E – F O U R T H – T R I M E S T E R
The fourth trimester appears to be a topic no one really discusses. Well, they do, but they mainly only care about the baby so it seems so for this blog, I am going to focus on the Mummies.
The fourth trimester is from birth to 12 weeks and is either super easy or super hard.. it depends on:
a) You’re a super mum
b) You got lucky
c) You’ve been working on voodoo magic
I like to think I got reasonably lucky. I mean, Eevie seems like a relatively cruisy bub. But my main concern is that no one really seems to give a shit about you. All the focus is on this tiny, precious little baby who has taken all the glory. But what about the glory for the women who is swollen, sore and battered? The woman who watched her image change for 9 months, then completely change all over again once becoming postpartum?
One thing I wished was that people gave a shit about us mums who believe it or not have no freaking clue what we are doing half the time but seem to fake it till we make it just to look brave for the public. Have I washed my hair lately? Yes. Did I overtone it because I basically power-napped standing up? Also yes. Have I done the laundry lately? Yes.. any of it mine? Nope.
What I find also hard, is people suddenly try and come to your life.. suddenly want to be your best friend. Once you agree to letting them come visit, there is minimal chat with all attention on bub. But then my favourite part. The photo. Anyone else notice people only want that famous selfie with your baby to post on social media? Because once they got their photo, you’ll never hear from them again and honestly, it’s the sad truth. Hello? “friends”? Where did you all go? Seriously though, raise your hand if when you had a baby, people asked to take a photo with you too?
All you Mummas out there who have just gone through labour or are due to go through labour, I have a few handy tips that helped me survive and made me 10x more comfortable.
1. Instead of horrid maternity pads, invest in the Tena Aids (Yes, the incontinent aids). Because
a) You probably will be incontinent for a while (yes, front and maybe back end)
b) They are SO much more comfortable then bulky maternity pads.
c) You don’t have to worry about your maternity pad moving around or the wings losing their stick.
d) They catch more fluid. You’ll have longer wear time out of one of these. This is great because you don’t feel as uncomfortable.
2. Get yourself some granny panties (especially if you decide to go for the pad alternative). Don’t rock up with your lacey underwear that may have gotten you into this position in the first place.. or maybe it all started from an innocent back rub.. who knows 😉. They are high wasted and are great for supporting that freshly postpartum tummy and are SUPER COMFORTABLE. Go for comfort people, because you will not give a single shit how you look once this baby is born.
3. Buy cheap bras. Once your milk comes in, Mumma you’re going to leak EVERYWHERE! I even suggest buying breast pads. Absolute lifesavers. Because yes, milk will seep through your padded bra and through your shirt and your boobs don’t care whether you’re in the comfort of your own home or in public. Do you really want your Victoria’s Secret Lingerie ruined?
4. Start drinking Ural before you’re due. This will alkaline your urine so if you do, or even don’t tare it will sting less! They do offer it in the wards but start using it as a preventative and you’ll thank yourself for it.
My next subject is the postpartum body. For a few days or weeks, you’ll be rocking an awesome tummy until your uterus shrinks back down to its original size. Your boobs? Well say good bye to your full and busty jugs because once you stop breastfeeding those days are over. The stretchmarks? If you managed to scrape past without them then you clearly did something in your past life to get so lucky. Now, by all means, I am 100% appreciative that my body carried and changed to grow and birth my beautiful baby girl, BUT.. that does not mean that I am not entitled to feel self-conscious about my new body. It completely took its toll on my self confidence and love that I once used to have. I no longer have the body for my clothes to fit the way they used too, I no longer feel like I can rock swimmers and sadly, I no longer feel the sexy woman I once felt and does this have an affect of the relationship? Well on my end yes. You can be told you’re beautiful 100 times and somewhat believe it. But the truth is, I look in the mirror to a stranger. Luckily, Eevie distracts me and I don’t have much time to think about it. Ladies, just remember; The stretch marks will fade, the tummy will shrink and you are pretty good looking. Don’t beat yourself too much, because I did and it started to ruin who I was mentally.
The exhaustion. Prepare yourself for your sleep patterns to be all over the joint especially with a newborn who is feeding every 1.5-3 hours. Prepare to learn how to feed when you’re half asleep and be prepared to learn how to do things the easier way (believe me, you’ll discover to work smarter and not harder). They say “sleep when the baby sleeps” but that proves difficult when you’re expected to run a household and get the good ol’ “but you stay home all day” guilt. I once had a meltdown when Eevie was around 5 weeks old. She had been up and down and the sleeplessness was causing me to have shocking migraines. I woke up one morning and put Eevie in the car to drive to my MIL’s house. She seen me pull up and looked confused as I basically threw Eevie at her with tears streaming down my face. I knew it was going to be hard, but I never knew it was going to be this hard. My biggest issue? My ego doesn’t allow me to ask for help. I felt that because I was her mother, that I should have my shit under control. This caused me to constantly push and push until I literally had to take my child elsewhere because I got to a point where I simply could not be near her. I was made a cup of tea and told to sit down and rest. Within the halfa, I was already feeling refreshed and ready to go. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR NEEDING AN OUT! Especially if just taking 5 minutes is enough for you to take a breath, calm down and move on. Believe me, it’ll make your day 10x better.
Finally, I just want to remind all of my readers and friends although its hard and that some days are simply shit, its okay. You’re okay, your baby is okay and you are doing well. Please remember to check on each other, it makes a HUGE difference. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by love and support that has gotten be through the fourth trimester in one piece. For my non-mum friends, I still think about you, but hopefully this article has given you some light as to why I haven’t reached out. Put yourself into our shoes and instead of being salty, just take a minute to understand that we too have full time jobs and its not as simple as going to the café for a mothers group once a week. I still love and appreciate you and when things calm down, I will reach out. But until then, please just give me this time with my baby to absorb it all in. One day you will understand.
Mums, you are a part of the fourth trimester too. Don’t let all of the shine leave you. Your body just done a wonderful thing and these 12 weeks will be hard. Take the credit, you deserve it and I promise that all of the unconditional love you will have for your baby makes it absolutely worth it.
- Sarah.
Comments